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When Life Doesn’t Turn Out The Way You Planned…or Wanted

I was warmly snuggled on the couch with my cat watching the movie “While You Were Sleeping”, and at the closing scene, Sandra’s character narrates the following:

"Thank goodness my father was right.

                Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan."

My body tingled from my crown, down my spine, and to my toes. This had me thinking about my own life. Did my life turn out the way I planned? Yes and No. On Christmas Eve, a few nights before this, I learned my youngest nephew, 20 years old, became a dad. He’s just a baby himself. I am happy for him, but I was never given a child of my own. For a few days, I felt a heavy feeling on my soul and I didn’t know why. It was after watching the movie when my tears finally showed its ugly head. I hate feeling like this. I’m a positive thinking, happy person. This is not me. Why am I feeling this? Becoming a Great Aunt made me realize that even though I’ve accepted God’s plan for me, two of things I’ve most wanted since I was a little girl, I never received. And it saddened me very deeply.

I’ve always tried to be a good person, to follow in the teachings of Christ, but like any human with free will, I’ve faltered and learned from it. So, why wasn’t I given them? What is it about me which denies me two of my deepest desires? Am I not good enough? Am I not meant to have them in this lifetime? Why? These are the questions I ask God as I cry and look up Heaven seeking answers. In his own way, he showed me what he’s given me in these loving thoughts.

I’ve asked for a house: I received a condo of my own. (I wanted a house)

I’ve asked for companionship: I have my cat, who is a loving creature. (I wanted a husband and child)

I’ve asked to stop being so shy and stop being a doormat to others: I’ve had friends come and go from my life who’ve taught me to be stronger and to find my voice.

I’ve asked to be creative: I’ve rediscovered my lifetime love of stories, now publishing my own for the world. (I wanted to be a singer and songwriter)

Slowly, with each thought, my tears dried and my sadness left me. He was right. I’ve always been given what I asked with no more than what I could handle. I received my desires, if not in the way I wanted.

The next day, I woke with one thought in my head, and it was the above movie quote. I did a search for this quote to see what’s behind it. I tried to ignore it, but it pestered me. “Okay, okay, I’ll look into it”. HE is trying to cement his message for me. What did I find? I found an article written by JD, on what he learned by Tony Robbins. I now have other ways to look at this, from a better perspective, a happier one.

You may remember Tony from his infomercials and self-help books: Unlimited Power, Unleash the Power Within and Awaken the Giant Within.

JD’s post summarizes a few things from Tony’s video: Create a New Story.

Happiness = Progress

Growing and Giving make us come alive

Our Blueprint is the Story We Have in Our Head

What happens when life doesn’t match our blueprint

Change your life, or change your blueprint

What 3 things happen when we change our blueprint

How Sometimes Failing to Get Your Goal, Helps You Fulfill Your Destiny

 Link to JD’s full article here. Give it a read yourself, it’s thought-provoking and it will have you thinking things a little differently.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

After reading his article, I now know I did learn. I have grown through my heart breaks, the challenging times I didn’t think I’d recover from: the taunts and cheating and selfish people who passed through my life, and finally, the financial loss and gain. I look back and think what if I have been given exactly what I wanted? I wouldn’t have grown spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I may not have had the time or the desire to write and publish.

I LOVE writing and publishing.

I LOVE that I am a stronger person who has the strength to stand on her own, to not be afraid to travel alone, to discover my voice.

I’ve learned many things and continue to do so.

I love that when people sad or down, they know they can come to me for comfort and healing. It’s a trend in my life, but it’s my destiny to show love, to teach others to love, to show kindness and show others how to do so. I’m good at it. I’m good at bringing people together. When I give this to others, seeing them smile again and pay it forward, I feel good. Really good down to my soul.

If I hadn’t learned through experience, I wouldn’t be able to connect to others who are feeling the same thing. I wouldn’t know how to heal them.

Sometimes failing to get your goal helps you fulfill your destiny. Tony Robbins

What is your destiny? Has your blueprint changed? Think about my last paragraph, at what I feel is my destiny while on earth. When I don’t follow this, I feel heavy. When I do follow my destiny, I feel light. What’s your gift to share? What do you give or share with others which lifts your spirit so high, you feel like you can float right up to Heaven itself?

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The Little Match Girl

A sad and beautiful story to remind us all to be thankful and charitable and to appreciate what we have at Christmas time.

by Hans Christian Andersen

Most terribly cold it was; it snowed, and was nearly quite dark, and evening– the last evening of the year. In this cold and darkness there went along the street a poor little girl, bareheaded, and with naked feet. When she left home she had slippers on, it is true; but what was the good of that? They were very large slippers, which her mother had hitherto worn; so large were they; and the poor little thing lost them as she scuffled away across the street, because of two carriages that rolled by dreadfully fast.

One slipper was nowhere to be found; the other had been laid hold of by an urchin, and off he ran with it; he thought it would do capitally for a cradle when he some day or other should have children himself. So the little maiden walked on with her tiny naked feet, that were quite red and blue from cold. She carried a quantity of matches in an old apron, and she held a bundle of them in her hand. Nobody had bought anything of her the whole livelong day; no one had given her a single farthing.
She crept along trembling with cold and hunger–a very picture of sorrow, the poor little thing!
The flakes of snow covered her long fair hair, which fell in beautiful curls around her neck; but of that, of course, she never once now thought. From all the windows the candles were gleaming, and it smelt so deliciously of roast goose, for you know it was New Year’s Eve; yes, of that she thought.
In a corner formed by two houses, of which one advanced more than the other, she seated herself down and cowered together. Her little feet she had drawn close up to her, but she grew colder and colder, and to go home she did not venture, for she had not sold any matches and could not bring a farthing of money: from her father she would certainly get blows, and at home it was cold too, for above her she had only the roof, through which the wind whistled, even though the largest cracks were stopped up with straw and rags.
Her little hands were almost numbed with cold. Oh! a match might afford her a world of comfort, if she only dared take a single one out of the bundle, draw it against the wall, and warm her fingers by it. She drew one out. “Rischt!” how it blazed, how it burnt! It was a warm, bright flame, like a candle, as she held her hands over it: it was a wonderful light. It seemed really to the little maiden as though she were sitting before a large iron stove, with burnished brass feet and a brass ornament at top. The fire burned with such blessed influence; it warmed so delightfully. The little girl had already stretched out her feet to warm them too; but–the small flame went out, the stove vanished: she had only the remains of the burnt-out match in her hand.
She rubbed another against the wall: it burned brightly, and where the light fell on the wall, there the wall became transparent like a veil, so that she could see into the room. On the table was spread a snow-white tablecloth; upon it was a splendid porcelain service, and the roast goose was steaming famously with its stuffing of apple and dried plums. And what was still more capital to behold was, the goose hopped down from the dish, reeled about on the floor with knife and fork in its breast, till it came up to the poor little girl; when–the match went out and nothing but the thick, cold, damp wall was left behind. She lighted another match. Now there she was sitting under the most magnificent Christmas tree: it was still larger, and more decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door in the rich merchant’s house.
Thousands of lights were burning on the green branches, and gaily-colored pictures, such as she had seen in the shop-windows, looked down upon her. The little maiden stretched out her hands towards them when–the match went out. The lights of the Christmas tree rose higher and higher, she saw them now as stars in heaven; one fell down and formed a long trail of fire.
“Someone is just dead!” said the little girl; for her old grandmother, the only person who had loved her, and who was now no more, had told her, that when a star falls, a soul ascends to God.
She drew another match against the wall: it was again light, and in the lustre there stood the old grandmother, so bright and radiant, so mild, and with such an expression of love.
“Grandmother!” cried the little one. “Oh, take me with you! You go away when the match burns out; you vanish like the warm stove, like the delicious roast goose, and like the magnificent Christmas tree!” And she rubbed the whole bundle of matches quickly against the wall, for she wanted to be quite sure of keeping her grandmother near her. And the matches gave such a brilliant light that it was brighter than at noon-day: never formerly had the grandmother been so beautiful and so tall. She took the little maiden, on her arm, and both flew in brightness and in joy so high, so very high, and then above was neither cold, nor hunger, nor anxiety–they were with God.
But in the corner, at the cold hour of dawn, sat the poor girl, with rosy cheeks and with a smiling mouth, leaning against the wall–frozen to death on the last evening of the old year. Stiff and stark sat the child there with her matches, of which one bundle had been burnt. “She wanted to warm herself,” people said. No one had the slightest suspicion of what beautiful things she had seen; no one even dreamed of the splendor in which, with her grandmother she had entered on the joys of a new year.

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Fortune

via Daily Prompt: Fortune

Fortune

“Come on, hurry!” Clarissa pulled on Heidi’s hand, weaving her way through the crowded Carnival.  Heidi does whatever I want  and never complains. Why would she? Heidi’s my best friend and wants me to be happy.

I read in the local paper a world renounced psychic will be here.  I hold onto my summer memory of witnessing a butterfly breaking out of its cocoon. That’ll be me. This isn’t living the life I was supposed to live. No, I was meant for fame.

I feel her hand forcefully pulled from my grasp. “Clarissa….” Heidi’s chest expands rapidly as hands cup her knees as she takes in much-needed breath.

“What’s the hurry?”

“Listen to me. I want…no need  to see her. The sooner she tells me what I need to know, the sooner I can change my life.”

Her responding eye roll irks me, but I shrug it off. She may be content with this crappy life, but I’m not. I don’t care to hide my frustrated sigh, waiting for her wheezing to stop.

“Okay, I’m ready, let’s go. She should be at the end of these booths.” Heidi ignores my out reached hand walking past me with an uplifted chin. It’s not long before we’re standing at the entrance to a purple velvet tent.

“Come in ladies, let me tell you your fortune.” The  woman’s gray hair and flamboyant clothing with head scarf greets us with the stench of inscents.

“I would…” We get one reading only. I must make sure she knows what I seek.

“Hush girl, I know what you seek. Sit. Both of you.” Her bony finger shakes as she points us to the waiting lawn chairs.

I can’t stop the involuntary cringe which overtakes me as her paper-thin skinned hand grasps mine. Her other cold hand gingerly reaches for Heidi’s. Her nose wrinkles and brows scrunch a moment, but she complies.

She tilts her head back chanting while her fingers rub our hands. We’re really getting our money’s worth with the theatrics. Heidi and I watch as the psychic chants and rolls her head for a full minute. I know this because I counted. Heidi’s fear on the other hand mounts with every second.

“Ahhhhhhhh……” the smell of mint reaches us as the psychic whooshes out air.  “Despite outward appearances, you two are best friends. Very different from one another, but close. One will find fortune and the other fame.” Her dead hands release us as no further information is given.

I didn’t get my answers. “Which one of us will…”

“That is all I can give you. Payment please.” We’re ushered out without ceremony, leaving me crushed.

“Cheer up Clarissa, both are good. Come, let’s go on the Ferris Wheel, you love that ride.”

I take in her bright expression and nod. Either way, it’s a win-win. We happily get in line for the ride, dreaming of our fortune. At the top, the wheel stops a moment, allowing me to take in my  dismal town of Hollack.

“Heidi, some day, we’ll look back on this with……..”  a sudden groaning erupts from below. Rapid vibrations almost knock us out of our seat. Each second which passes, they grow in intensity until sudden blackness.

Heidi reaches for the long stick and shoves it down her left cast as a major network shows the latest news. “Behind me is a favorite carnival ride for generations. For Clarissa and Heidi of Hollack, it became a nightmare. In a freak accident,  Clarissa lost her life in a manner leaving local residents scarred for life. Heidi was lucky to survive, but has a long road to recovery. Each girl’s family will be awarded a half million dollars from the Carnival Company  after Judge Simon filed in favor of the Plaintiff in a heated court case. Back to you at the studio John.”

Poor Clarissa, she got the fame she wanted, even the fortune. It’s too bad it doesn’t do her any good. Once I’m released, I’m taking my family and moving out of this dismal town. I have to live  for both of us now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Daily Prompt: Vanish

via Daily Prompt: Vanish

My heart pounds so erratically, it reminds me of Alien with Sigourney Weaver. I gulp down the fear threatening to vomit on my dress shirt, as sweaty palms are dried on my denim. Shaking hands move the curtain a crack, taking in the view on the other side. It’s a full house, more than I expected to attend.

Excited whispers of conversation from my band mates drift to my ears. How can they be so calm? This isn’t the same scenario, back when things were simple. Smaller crowds. No record label. What was I thinking saying yes when we signed on? A tornado of butterflies whirl around in my stomach.

Suddenly I’m ten years old again, laying on my psychiatrists couch, telling me to face my fear of crowds. “To face your fear is to conquer it”. Do I look like a damn Gladiator or something? I want to run, to escape from this place, but I can’t.

I send a silent prayer to Saint Michael begging for help. I’m not the religious type, but I heard stories of miracles from others who prayed for the first time. I’ll try anything right now. While I’m in mid prayer the lights dim, and the white noise of the audience lulls to silence. I got my wish to vanish, but it wasn’t me, it was the crowd. The crowed vanished, calming my nervous, netting the butterflies, and caging the alien clawing its way out of my chest.

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Slimming power of gentle yoga

Discover the slimming power of gentle yoga with Jillian Pransky

I found this on the internet and it’s only about 17 minutes. A great  starter to yoga video!

I’ve done yoga before and the benefits were more than weight loss. I’ve seen results in better  stamina, weight loss, loss in pack pain, more flexibility, just to name a few.

Best of all? It’s FREE! I suggest trying this out for a month and see how you feel. With any exercise, please check with your doctor before trying a new physical activity.